Inyeon and the bonds across lifetimes

How a Korean director helped me make sense of a few things.

Hello again. I hope you're reflecting on a good week this Sunday before the storm of Monday smashes you in the face. I had a great week. I spent it at the movies mostly. I love going to the cinema and watching a movie on the big screen, and I was in for a treat this week. I first went and saw the beautiful movie Past Lives, and that too on a Monday. I went for this one alone, and it was calming to watch a film alone after so long. Then I saw Tom Cruise be Tom Cruise in his latest mission. I love watching Tom Cruise on the big screen; his dedication to entertaining his audiences is tangible. Lastly, I went to watch Oppenheimer, and I was blown away, no pun intended. What a powerful cast, even outside of the four main characters. I wanted to watch this and Barbie back to back, but Barbie has to wait for now.

Yes, for the few of you who were lucky enough to catch the movie' Past Lives' at a theatre, that is where I got the phrase Inyeon from (I read it spelt as In-yun also somewhere and am happy to be corrected). Its literal translation to English means the connection between people over a lifetime. In the context of the movie (and most likely in Korean culture), it refers to relationships between people. How every time you form a bond with someone, whether by meeting them once, hugging them, loving them, spending your life with them or even how you brush your arm against someone on the street, you form a layer of inyeon with them. This bond is carried not only throughout a lifetime but also across lifetimes. At one point, we see the lead mentioning that for someone to have been married, they have had 8000 layers of inyeon in their past lives.

I don't believe in reincarnation, nor do I disbelieve in it. However, should we accept the possibility of this life not being our only shot at living, the concept of inyeon (again, as explored in the movie) starts to provide many answers. 

In the movie, two of the three leading characters take comfort in Inyeon. They are not lovers, not friends, not exes. They share a strong bond, which never quite reaches the zenith of human relations but simmers below it. They must have many thousands of layers of Inyeon from their past lives, but perhaps they don't have the required (and maybe wanted) 8000 layers.

How many people do we encounter over the course of life? How many relations do we form where we are always left wanting more? The connections felt like a godsend when we began them, but they did not have the fuel to sustain themselves. How often do we have our hearts broken and spirits shattered because some relationship did not stand the test of time? Romantic or platonic, only a handful of our bonds stay with us through our lives. The others come, have a small or colossal impact and then go. When they do depart, we always, without fail, spend some time lamenting over a series of 'what ifs?'. Inyeon offers me comfort that perhaps those friends, lovers, acquaintances and even family that have left have left with an added layer (or layers) of inyeon, and probably in some future life before the last stars have run out of light, we will cross each other paths again, this time perhaps, for a minute longer. 

Inyeon, if true, would also explain how we view people. In the movie, the female lead's childhood sweetheart, tells her, after meeting her for the first time in 24 years, that to him she is always someone who left, but to her husband, she will always be someone who stays. This viewing of Inyeon helps me forgive people and, perhaps with a little more effort, helps me forgive myself. We all have exes who we have labelled in our head. "That's the problem with them; they have a short temper, they always leave, and I always have to fetch them back. They are someone who never commits". We all have said this or something similar about an ex, but perhaps to someone else, they are someone who always controls their temper, always makes sure that both of them stay and has no problem diving into something. I am not saying we should put up with this behaviour, but rather that people are never individuals. They always exist as a symbiote with you, and the nature of their symbiosis with you can be significantly different to the nature of their symbiosis with another person. We must decide whether the symbiosis is a positive or a negative influence in our life. But, perhaps it is not for us to determine if an individual is negative or positive. Even while typing this, I realise how difficult and impractical that is to practice in real life, but this is the privilege of being a writer and the burden of being a reader. I can throw an idea on you and leave you to grapple with it. 

The non-husband male lead tells the female lead that perhaps they are currently in a past life, and while they don't have enough Inyeon to sustain their bond right now, that perhaps in some future life, with the Inyeon they have added in this life and others they reach a sustaining relationship, where they live happily with each other. This thought may allow us to let go of the pain, stop it from holding us back with those who stay, and leave the ones who leave to a future life. The story may not be over with them, just the chapter, and maybe even the book, but a sequel might be coming. 

Inyeon, I think, is helpful for those who left and perhaps even more critical for those who stay. How many times do we second guess the importance, the need, the usefulness of people in our lives? But perhaps the profound relationships in our lives stand the test of time because of all the layers of inadvertent brushing of arms, ill-fated friendships, and incomplete love stories spread across lifetimes. We may have gone through a lot of pain, abandonment and trouble many lives ago so that now we may experience joy, belonging and contentment with a certain someone. 

Whether true or not, we can never know. But considering the possibility offers a kind of comfort. For instance, when a Jyotshi tells you, your bad time will end post-September. The only way to know if this is true is to reach September, and we'll see an improvement in our days, but perhaps it gives us something to look forward to, strength, resilience and perseverance to make it to September. Similarly, the concept of Inyeon can allow us to let go, enjoy the flow, accept with open arms what comes to us, and not let our skin get shredded to bits trying to hold on to what has already gone. 

As someone who struggles to let go of bonds of the past, regardless of their nature, I found this an interesting concept to ponder on. Do let me know what you think.

What am I listening to:

A lot of radiohead for some reason.

What am I reading:

Currently reading “Everything the Light Touches” by Janice Pariat.

Also subscribed to the third edition of Rega Jha’s newsletter. I would highly recommend you subscribe to all three seasons.

What am I watching:

A lot of binge shows:

1. The Lincoln Lawyer

2. Jack Ryan.

Thank you once again for giving me time from your Sunday, I hope it was worth your while.